Diseased?

Can I technically still have an ED even if I am happy? What is this? Because really I am. I don’t feel guilty or like a failure if I break a fast or eat carbs. And I don’t feel depressed if I put on a few pounds. But then I do feel I have an ED. To type ED just feels so dirty, like I’m diseased. I do not feel diseased. I’m not depressed or antisocial like I used to be. Granted I can be very introverted and in need of personal space, but I wouldn’t class myself as antisocial like I would have in highschool. I won’t deny I have an ED either. Because frankly I like the feeling of an empty stomach, and I like the feeling of my collar bones and flat stomach. I like my wrists and skinny arms. And sometimes I forget to eat without realizing it. I also lose my appetite easily. Other times I have a very healthy appetite but that’s only when I am surrounded by people or just bored. Most of the time I’d rather not eat. And I used to use my ED for control but now I feel like I do have control in my life aside from my eating habits. I know I have an ED because its obvious I’m skinnier and my mom practically stuffs me with food everytime I am home. But I’m happy and would love to be skinnier just to see if I can. So am I free of an ED or have I embraced it?

I think the most important thing is that I make sure I'm not malnourished and develop a warped body image. I honestly think I have a positive body image and may need to start taking vitamins. But then thats my own opinion which could be warped itself. So be as honest as you girls can, and I will return the favor. I know it may be hard to do over the net lol, but let me know if I become mental. My goal weight is still 120, and I'll be trying to reach 117 just to see how I look but no lower!

So I was supposed to fast today. Didn't but still feel pretty good. In the last 24 hours I drank water and Gatorade, and had a salad and some chocolate. Overall pretty good, my skinny jeans are even loose and I'm on my period! So thats pretty amazing. Let me know how you guys are doing. Thanks everyone that did thinspo for me, you guys truly rock I really appreciate it.

I just think she is gorgeous. Huge girl crush!!


8 comments:

Ana's Girl said...

Diseased? Hah! Not a chance. I agree with the many others who say that Ana is a choice, a lifestyle, not a disorder.

In answer to your question: Antony knows for a fact i have an ED. He just doesn't know the extent of it. (It's extra easy to ignore him when he tells me to eat though because he is... rather big...) But i told him that fast food makes me sick--which is definately not a lie. Last time i ate fast food, i was in the living hell of involuntary barfing for the rest of the day... Yuck.

lizzy said...

hey, thanx i really needed to read that. althiugh i do know my restricting is unhealthy cos i use it when im stressed.i wouldnt say im unhappy, i am happy too. i am scared though that i will take restricting too far, that i will lose too much weight and wont be able too stop. i have been addicted too drugs and selfharming. so my solution is too try and mix it up a little. not restict every day and maybe fast once a week.

All about Lily said...

I love that you're happy! You should be, losing weight should be done this way.
Thank you so much for your advices. I'll definetly follow them.

Keep up the good work!

Lily

xthinforever said...

im just as tall as you and i want to see 119, just because 119 sounds better than 120. LOL. my boyfriend totally didnt understand that. but i weighed 144 today. le sigh. i have 25 lbs to lose. ughhhh.

i will let you know if you go mental. because -i- am mental, bipolar/ed whatnot.. so if you get crazy. ill let you know. HAHA

Dot said...

I don't think you have a disease or a disorder. I think there is nothing wrong with your body perceptions. Some might say that you do because you are supportive of weight loss and fasting/restricting, but I don't agree with them at all. I think you have a very healthy and aware view of food. I wish someday to have the same view ; )
I'm so happy for you <3

pokerface said...

you have such an inspiring attitude :) I see all of this in the same way, and it's good to know that you do too. Just be careful, yeah? Keep your BMI looking healthy and you'll be fine :)

stranger said...

No girlie, you're fine!! You have such a cheery blog! It's delightful! I love it.

I am so jealous right now. I cannot eat without feeling guilty, without obsessively counting the calories of everything I eat...But that is just me and I may or may not be mental.

ps. Keira is also my gay crush <33

CA said...

Keira's my number one girl crush, too. Haha.

Post a Comment