Thankyou for the comments guys =). I will be catching up on your blogs tonight after I ramble...

Sometimes I feel sad, and this sadness feels foreign. Mainly because I cannot pinpoint exactly what is causing it...I have faint ideas but I am helpless to solve them.

I like a guy that will never notice me. I know it’s not due to looks. It’s due to my personality. Which is ironic. I am so clever and fun, but as soon as I am in the same room as him, my mind goes blank and I must be so boring. I have accepted that it just won't work out, but what kills me...it kills me because I know he is becoming close friends with my best friend. She likes him too, because he's pretty awesome. And she's awesome around him, when normally it’s the opposite for us. I am the outgoing, fun one, and she is the quiet one. I am prettier too, she is self conscious. Yet I am struggling. I do not envy her, I love her. I just hate that I am failing at not being so nervous. I hate how guys like me but I have no interest in them and as soon as I like someone...to the point I easily ignore their faults, I fail and they never notice or desire me.

I guess I do know the cause of my sadness. This feeling that makes my stomach sick, it's not butterflies. It's seeing what I want right in front of my eyes, and being absolutely helpless in obtaining it. I hate this feeling.

I wish I could forget everyone forever. I love loneliness. I walked alone for hours today, admiring the stars and the cold air. I rarely see the stars. But that feeling in my stomach returned; that sickness. I know what I want. I do desire loneliness, but I want to be lonely with someone. I want us to be lonely forever.


Ana's Girl said...

Aw, hunny, i used to have the same problem around guys that i liked. Then i realized that being afraid that i wouldn't say the right thing was paralyzing me and keeping me from saying anything at all. Don't think so much about what to say when you're around him, and it will come naturally. I'm sure he'll love you then.
Lovely picture of Keira, by the way.

Insane Jayne said...

I totally agree!
You want to be by yourself and lonely..but by yourself and lonely with another human- exactly how I feel.
keep us posted about the boy troubles,
good luck x

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