Passing Through

Hmm where do I begin? I'm turning this blog more and more into a diary of mine because diaries are important. They are like written pictures, but better. Pictures capture our faces, clothes, our smiles or frowns. But diaries capture our minds. I know I will need to read this in the future...

I want to thank my readers/followers whether you comment or not. I was reading the last comments and not only do I love and appreciate the feedback (it helps a ton) but I'm just glad that you can relate to this blog. Sometimes we can feel so alone in this world, and if my blog helps you feel less lonely then that means a lot to me. I like when someone reads what I've written and thinks, yes I feel that way too, or I have those goals too, or fears. As selfish as I feel I am, I love to help people...and I feel awful for even saying that. Because I know being pro-ana is awful. Maybe I should write a warning label somewhere...but the fact is it's out there. ED's, Ana, Mia. They are alive and strong. And if I can convince one person to resist mia, to not take laxatives, to try her/his hardest to stay in control, to not go too far, to seek happiness and acceptance, well then maybe I'm not as horrible as I think I am.

I'm a strong believer in goals. I feel having set goals and a sense of relativity helps counter the dangers of Ana. At the same time I am aware of my skewed rationalization of a disorder for then that discussion is for another blog post. At the end of the day, I just want us all to feel beautiful and happy and loved. I want you all to know you're not alone, even if you just want to cry all day and hide beneath the covers. Because even I have been there.

Today was a good day. I wore one of my favorite pair of skinny jeans...they were loose on me when they are normally tight. You know that image you have in your head? It's that girl you wish you were all the time. She's perfect almost, beautiful, thin, confident. Her hair shines and her eyes hold this mystery. Like she knows something you do not. She's been somewhere you will never be able to reach. I was her today. I wore my favorite black skinny jeans and cardigan. Normally I would wear knee high boots, but I wanted to be that rebel. I wore converse and black gloves. I even have this new piercing that looks pretty badass. I looked like a model. I saw people staring at me today. Maybe they thought I didn't belong. Maybe they were wondering where I was going. I was only passing through to a better place.

PS: Will post pictures soon this week. Also need to update my current weight. Honestly not sure if I have gained or lost...I have no access to an accurate scale


Dot said...

I'm so glad you got to be the girl, even if it was just for a day. I'm sure soon you will be that girl every day <3
It is so nice having a place like this, knowing there are people out there who you can relate to.
I'm so excited for pics! :D
Thanks for your sweet comments as usual. I'm proud of you too <3
Stay strongx

Anonymous said...

I just found your blog and i L-O-V-E it! it made me feel as if a pretty more confident version of myself was writing! You seem so genuin and your blog makes me giggle at times! i hope to be like you when i go to college confident and thin! Way to rock the skinnie jeans!
stAy stroNG! thiN(k) thiN!
xoxo Lyndee

Beautifully_Fragile said...

I like your blog also, like to read your posts and wish I can rock skinny jeans! I need to work on fitting into one i have.

Ana's Girl said...

I'm so glad you felt beautiful and confident even if only for one day. It just makes me smile to think that you were so happy. :)

tracy said...

i love that feeling. i had it one time, over the holidays. i tried on a pair of skinny jeans at Macy's and they fit perfectly. Unfortunately, i KNEW if they shunk a half a centimeter in any direction but lenght, they would be too tight (for me). So, they didn't come home with me. Maybe in 5 or 10 pounds.
Great blog you have here!

If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Eat Them -- NRC said...

I love your blog! My blog is like my diary/journal too. I makes me feel better when other people can relate to me.

I can't wait for your photos!

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