As for my boy trouble so to speak, it's only getting worse. He and my good friend are so close it seems...ugh I hate jealousy. But how I suffer from it immensely. It’s consuming me...and it seems no matter how little I eat, she still has her hold on me. I'm not a fan of Ana, like I said before I'd rather be a loner. But I wish more than ever for Ana to fill Envy's place.
I haven't had a meal in almost 2 days. (Just tiny snacks and barely) I'm going to make it 3.
I'm not sure why I am restricting. Do I want to lose weight? I suppose. Do I want to be thin? Of course. But no...this is different. I mostly crave pain it seems. I assure you I am not ill, even if it seems so. I am perfectly able to eat, not feel guilty, not count calories, not care...but I just want to feel emptiness. I want to be alone, even from nourishment.